To Love
To embrace my beloved, for so long, as tenderly as possible, is to be the luckiest person alive.
Love, what an idea it is! lifetime after lifetime, humanity has marveled at its existence. The ability to love as the most beautiful aspect of our being, brings us closer to the truth about ourselves; of who we were, are and, will be.
We love, honestly, as honest as a person can be, in our own subjective way, with devotion bordering the height of the heavens and generosity as vast as the Buddha's heart. We can soar carefree and or endure drudgery when we earn the love for which we fight with all our being. Fighting, the good fight!
Love binds us all.
In ways i.e. magical
where I am, myself no more
for "I" have thee
in my mind, here in the most cherished memories
in my heart, here within my very being, my dearest
even when I am all alone
especially then,
boxed within the silence of concrete
chained to the wall like an animal
your gentle grace reaches me
keeps my humanity alive
here your lullaby brings me rest
warm and safe
always...forever
All is fair; in love and war. When we love with all of ourselves, nothing is impossible. No war is unwinnable, and no peace is complacent. No stigma is shameful or social boundaries as insurmountable. The entire weight of civilization might crush my physical being, but it is lighter than the weight of my love, true, only for you.
My physical vessel will surely perish one day, as all things do. But love is what I adore most despite knowing not its entirety, trying and failing to understand, I am still moved by its beautiful ruthlessness. Its mystery will always be the inexplicable unsolved mystery. Still, I will continue to delve upon it for it rings true with eternal resonance, for it is the spontaneous union of the spirit, the ultimate realization of my one and only purpose in this short life, and, perhaps it will always be there as a life long pursuit, there just around the corner not yet the celebration of an entire universe in the palm of the divine.
The divine is the true witness of the never-ending war between flesh and spirit, the internal and the external, the individuals versus the tribe. It is a test of our control, of our patience when we are bestowed with physical reality. The desires of the flesh are as innumerable as those acquired sins we are tempted towards, whence we continue to struggle throughout our mortal life. That is the holy war to free oneself from the consequences of one's own choices as well as from the constraints of the preordained choices of the tribe. It starts from the first step till the last whisper of flesh's departure. It begins with the realization of our own ignorance as our awareness despairs in our folly and rejoices on knowing nothing matters in the end, not even divines will. For our defiance against his/her will is what makes us so endearing to him/her, so lovable, a rascal who continues on making the same mistakes. Nothing new there...
We desire what we cannot have and when we call that pining for things/objects/persons, we call it longing, not love. Longing is of flesh, so it is suffering of finite state. Desire is the force of nature that wants to expand, control, then, forcefully dominate those whom we hold dear, dearer even than life itself, the holiest of the holy. When we cannot do all that, when we cannot be the puppeteer, we feel powerless and our misery begets more misery to those whom we love dear. To overcome any kind of suffering wrought by uncontrollable desires, balance is a must. So let go, you will know when to do so. You will know when enough is enough. You will have to make a hard choice. And your choice will as every choice must be, have consequences. For now or in the future...
The body is a temple. Its needs are simple. Why make that which is simple so complicated. Simply love without expectations. Simply give without strings attached. If giving to others is abhorrent to you, give to yourself. Be selfish, if you must. If you judge yourself as the first candidate of your boundless love, do so. Nobody out there understands you as much as yourself. Nobody is as forgiving to yourself in the whole world other than you, yourself. Nobody thinks you are the loveliest or the most handsome but you, yourself. You will never get what you "desire" when that desire is dependent on the choice of others. Unburden your heart to your soul let your body speak with the grace of becoming yourself, the most perfect that you can become, in mind, body most importantly in spirit.
Be not the boring hero who saves the world, but be that awesome villain who breaks the walls of discrimination, who truly saves damsels from their delusions. A villain starts first by saving oneself. For the villain has seen the worst of humanity, the darkest of the night, the shadow of the hero's light, the hubris of a white knight, so sure, cultivated to bind false light with the slaves of duty, the herd of consumerism, bleating sweet flowery words of praise intoxicated in the vanity of superficial power that which is given, can be taken back, no doubt.
The world will move on in its boredom, tik-tok, tik-tok. So if need be fulfill your innermost desires, do so, but time will make you tired of all those, then fulfillment itself will be your best friend. Then only love just for the sake of loving, feel the pining, embrace them as lost brothers and sisters, but when the time comes, let go, like how you let go of your mother's womb, to be born. Those desires will abate with time, as they should. Love each moment, every moment is precious. That truth will resonate with you, in time...towards the peak of freedom!
Let's simply marvel pure aesthetics of being. Every part of you is pretty! Every psyche state of yours deserves love. Both Dr Hyde and Mr Jekyll.
Maybe, just maybe we have never been able to let go of painful memories or been able to erase our prejudice, with the lens of those who deserve our love and those who don't.
Perhaps we are scared of giving in
Perhaps all that we value is worthless
Perhaps we are unworthy, undeserving of even a pint of love
Perhaps all we can humbly offer is not sufficient, never enough
Perhaps all is meaningless in the grand scheme of things
But even though how little time we have, even though how meaningless our puny existence is, can we ever stop loving, even when we try not to love, someone or something or the ego that we identify as
To love is to acknowledge the "self", the violent creation of love, the tender space in-between, restful contentment
The collision of the big-bang is the collision of love, and lo behold, the universe we know came into being
Love is those stars that blaze to transcend into nova simply to let you know even in the darkest hour there is hope
Love is that one single moon that circles around your being as you circle around that one single sun without knowing or consenting to be so. They never meet each other but they are always connected because you are the anchor that brought those two together by simply existing, you that is so beautiful, so unique, no other existence compares to yours, at this point of time, ever!!!
you are my moon, one and only,
let me be your sun
let me burn,
just to see a glimpse of your smile
The gravity that grounds us to the earth is love, the sun that warms us during the day is love. Love is the very air we breathe, love is the water that makes up 75% of your physical being.
Love is everything everywhere all at once. :)
I might have failed to love someone sincerely, but I always do love myself, faithfully...
I am blessed, to be able to love, being loved by myself...
***
I kissed those cold lips for the last time, knowing they shall never kiss back mine.
Letting go of her hands, pale under the moonlight before the coffin closed was the last thing I remember.
***
I woke up with a longing that never belonged to me. Memory failed to pin down the exact sum of the experience that still lingered with a sense of grief. I found myself sitting up straight, tracing my hands on my rough cheek, it was wet, with tears still liquid warm. Stunned, I felt myself shaking. Hugging myself as I drew my knees to my chest, I closed my eyes, trying to hold in. But I failed, like never before, I continued to sob, with a heaviness of spirit between my head and body, and my throbbing heart burst into oblivion before darkness took me once again.
***
The stars and stripes covered the boxes, as hallow as the cross carved with efficiency. Numbered in hundreds they will be shipped back home. Before the flight, a solemn ritual from the time of the founding fathers was performed, each box carried by uniformed and shiny shoes. The patriotic song of living did not disturb the soul of the departed.
The service was beautiful. The regiment was immaculate. The sound of gunfire was indeed glorious!
The sermon was truly heart-touching!
But, without familiar hands holding mine, or caring fingers straightening my collar with smiling eyes, the sunshine failed to warm my heavy heart...
The cold rifle held in these hands felt alien.
The beret felt heavier as we saluted with practiced ease.
The elegy I tried to write last night still remains unfinished in my back pocket.
My goodbye is frozen forever in syllables, as meaningless as my soul.
Finally coming barely in a tiny whisper, I could only utter...
Good... bye
dear friend
***
Comments
Post a Comment