The Monkey Mind

There is nothing wrong with me. It's just that the righteous feeling I have cultivated since childhood has stayed with me until this day. So, each time I encounter you, or more precisely, a version of you in another person, I hesitate. I cannot break free from the usual loop of thinking about you, searching for you, and for so long imagining myself being with you. Beyond that, there is nothing but the authority of time, which strips away all my feelings, and once again, I am back. Back to my comfort zone where all emotions fade. I am no longer myself, and you are no longer yourself. I remain in the void, and everything that once was is no more. There is nothing to discuss. Endless hours and days just slip away. Here I am, in the middle of my physical age, and the question has arisen once again. So, I dictate, my thoughts fragmented, my sentences half-formed, incoherent in a way that feels disconnected. I am disconnected from the conversation that surrounds me. I rarely think about ...

The end .  All beginnings start from there. There is no BS, no excuses, no nothing's.  With all the social anxiety enveloping the consciousness, we are never true to our self , to the ego to which we owe our entire puny existence, each breath, every moment spent to its eventual next. Thus, the end is not an option but a necessity. It is the forgiveness for all our grandiose mistakes we have realized but nobody cared. It is the boredom in the cacophony of human noise celebrating life and congratulating their momentary achievement to themselves.  It is logical, that applause.  Yet is it only me or what, it feels hollow, a truly brittle sham. Only for the good time, the celebration lasts unlike tragedy that is heavier than this body of yours and mine that contains the existence called life And that life needs to end End only ending is where a new beginning blossoms For it is death that gives meaning to life For it is darkness where light shines brightest In the polarity...

Strip away all the comforts of civilization and step away from all of its conformities. You will find me contemplating, both physically and mentally exhausted, confused in solitude: “ What is love?” “If there is a heart beating next to yours despite all the vagaries life weights you with, then that lightness of being, the feeling of glad vulnerability is perhaps the closest thing to true love” “To be known for all the right reasons despite being so wrong, is it love?” The world fades away in a blur and I am forgetful of things that are present. Yet, I remember things I should not have forgotten … you see love is the magnet to draw forgotten memories and a powerful catalyst of change in your life. It motivates us to be civilized, and find the middle ground, as it brings the thing called “should/could” into our lives, and we start to feel empathy for the less fortunate and be more forgiving. Being civilized means having the ability to survive and to be able to think for someone whom we ...

Either way, there's never enough time to do all the things we want." Life is too short to avoid taking risks                          (- Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead)                          Fear We can do more, be more. If we just dare, to do so… How many things did you dream of doing before the grand finale? A thousand, a hundred, or not even a ten ? Promises are broken , and wishes forgotten along with the memories of regret…  It is so easy, to let them go . And easier, to procrastinate!                                                                            ...

    Introspection ; my dear old friend graces me with her visits, unexpected yet pleasant. She always arrives bearing gifts, precious on her each visit, subsequent. And thus, she graciously extends her warm trust unto me, and I cannot help but kindly return it, likewise.                                                                                                                                                                                   ...

" Conviction is the aura of subjective truth, a man so willingly breathes..." Prayer is the foundation of faith. And it so exists, in the sincerity of a mortal's breath; long, deep, and contemplative. You may visualize life in its relentless pursuit of the fulfillment of never-ending drives; food that intermittently sates the hunger, sleep that quietly rests the fragile body, the applied knowledge that nails purpose in the fidgety mind, fiery sex that frees the spirit from its inherent mortal trapping for a while, more or less.  It is breath, and the process of breathing, in its steady depth, the prayer of mortal discovers consistency...that atheist sighs and yields willingly unto his faith of faithlessness. If you are wondering who that atheist is, obviously that ignoble person albeit hypocritical, is none other than me, the author of this ruminating writing Yes, an "Atheist".  and not a day goes by, that I do not pray .              ...

  Intro One of my respected instructors informed me of an attitude in which normal everyday events may be perceived as quests. Be it simply an ordinary occasion or a thrilling one, through perceiving it as a quest, we see the world we constantly traverse through, for at the least once, differently, recognize its salient functions and be self-inspired to place plans into action. for example; waking up early, finish off the to-do lists, ta-da! a stealthy kiss good-bye to an irritated partner prior to hurrying to work, etc., etc. Quest; simply means the search for something which is meaningful, but quite tough for the present 'me' or 'us' to achieve. Yet this limitation only exists in our mind. With discipline, followed by consistent willpower, and herculean effort, that supposed difficulty can be chipped away if not in an hour or days or even weeks, then years if it is necessary to do so. "Improvise, Adapt and Overcome" With this in the mind, we put efforts into...

Introduction As we drift away in the embrace of sleep, our consciousness retreats, the body rests and the mind relaxes to find solace in the warm embrace of dreams. As each breath recedes deeper than the previous, the feeling of freedom gently unravels, as if the dawn makes way to the first ray of sun, bringing light and warmth to the dark-cold earth, waking up all the living of the day... finally ...  Deeper and deeper, letting go of worries and uncertainties of the harsh reality, no more is the commuter constrained or restricted, dreams give way to imagination whereby we pass through the darkest black hole to the brightest star, galaxy after galaxy, universe after universe, the mysteries lay bare to the mind that perceives beyond the awareness of the five senses. We see the reality with the eyes of a child, hear with the ears of a newborn, feel with the hands of dreamers embracing each fascinating sensation, without critical mind, just being true with self, one with every mo...

Before assigning a gender given by nature (or changed later) or a name by your parents (biological or otherwise), why not delve deeper for once, and truly ask yourself. " Who am I...?" Here are some inspirations for the inquiry to be as meaningful as intended: Time Time is the witness of history, light-bearer of truth. It is the only power that can give justice to the I,  defining in the entirety of what I was, as I am cannot fully recall even my obscure genealogy including what I will be, my pedigree... "I was..."  A sum of memories of past; success and failures both, of happiness and sadness and boredom in-between, I was once naïve and young yet I remember those times most, for they are unburdened by the questions when time takes all the innocence and the world wants us to take responsibility for ourselves "I am..." Present, fully immersed in the reality of 'now'. I relive my past and can laugh at its foolishness. I make plans for my 'future...