Xonfession-I

-

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                (PC: Devian Art)


A city unlike any other, vibrant with thousands of visitors, the air fragrant with the smell of their perfumes from all around the world. Each street I could identify with familiarity from just the faint aroma of its uniqueness, be it coffee, pastries, or any delicacies as I pass by

Building from the late renaissance, carved with such visualization, as if they arise from their slumber as the first ray of the sun gently graces on the surface

Streets still paved with the same rough texture as when horse cantered once with the jubilance of youth

Drizzle now and then as the May flowers come alive with soft velvetiness feeling of drizzle in the morn

Ah! those bright days...

A city of hope...

once, it was, for me



A city of despair, now, it became, to me

Beauty mocking my presence, the air frigid with hostility

And, there I was...

With a debt filled identity, with dust-filled-pockets and an empty belly, I walked with a sense of familiar lethargy

A heavy heart, weakening body and numb mind, I, fleeing, when my name was whispered, called, jeered, I could only rush on, knowing I could not tarry

Leaving behind my pursers in the crowds of old commuters and new visitors

till my steps reached where justice was served, finally. 

There, I pleaded for help with all my being, for at least shelter for some days, a respite from my creditors, friends turned stranger; debtors, at least a sanctuary, so I hoped at the very least

Yet...

I was thrown out, my desperate plea ignored, knowing I could do nothing, I got nothing... 

so I cursed, banged the selfish door, 

until the banging became weaker,

and weaker...

Downcast, heavy heartened, slowly, I could only walk away, farther...



Till... 

unconscious body guided my feet towards the same  bridge from where I entered the city with fresh eyes of naïve, entranced by its ethereal presence, my new home

Like cold water poured in my body, I shuddered.

No more...

All the way, in my mind, there was one single question, why? why me? why I am abandoned by you my lady luck? Why I could not find innate kindness my mother said each humane had within themselves.

Deeply disturbed, I walked to the center of that ole bridge, then its edge, placing my back to the emptiness behind, there ready to end this pathetic life mine, forever...

Climbing over, knowing I could not do it if I even took a peek down

I opened my arms, looked at the blue sky for the last time, where clouds were drifting, as a sudden gust caressed my back,

I closed my eyes embracing the darkness as if I am going for a nap, yes just a nap,

knowing, it was time for the end

I whispered, "Je Suis prêt..." (I am ready)



                                                                                                (PC:drawingsandnotes.blogspot.com/)


11/28/2020

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Who am I? The question of existence...

-
Image
Before assigning a gender given by nature (or changed later) or a name by your parents (biological or otherwise), why not delve deeper for once, and truly ask yourself. " Who am I...?" Here are some inspirations for the inquiry to be as meaningful as intended: Time Time is the witness of history, light-bearer of truth. It is the only power that can give justice to the I,  defining in the entirety of what I was, as I am cannot fully recall even my obscure genealogy including what I will be, my pedigree... "I was..."  A sum of memories of past; success and failures both, of happiness and sadness and boredom in-between, I was once naïve and young yet I remember those times most, for they are unburdened by the questions when time takes all the innocence and the world wants us to take responsibility for ourselves "I am..." Present, fully immersed in the reality of 'now'. I relive my past and can laugh at its foolishness. I make plans for my 'future&
Read more

About Love

-
Image
Strip away all the comforts of civilization and step away from all of its conformities. You will find me contemplating, both physically and mentally exhausted, confused in solitude: “ What is love?” “If there is a heart beating next to yours despite all the vagaries life weights you with, then that lightness of being, the feeling of glad vulnerability is perhaps the closest thing to true love” “To be known for all the right reasons despite being so wrong, is it love?” The world fades away in a blur and I am forgetful of things that are present. Yet, I remember things I should not have forgotten … you see love is the magnet to draw forgotten memories and a powerful catalyst of change in your life. It motivates us to be civilized, and find the middle ground, as it brings the thing called “should/could” into our lives, and we start to feel empathy for the less fortunate and be more forgiving. Being civilized means having the ability to survive and to be able to think for someone whom we
Read more

The Quest of Love

-
Image
  Intro One of my respected instructors informed me of an attitude in which normal everyday events may be perceived as quests. Be it simply an ordinary occasion or a thrilling one, through perceiving it as a quest, we see the world we constantly traverse through, for at the least once, differently, recognize its salient functions and be self-inspired to place plans into action. for example; waking up early, finish off the to-do lists, ta-da! a stealthy kiss good-bye to an irritated partner prior to hurrying to work, etc., etc. Quest; simply means the search for something which is meaningful, but quite tough for the present 'me' or 'us' to achieve. Yet this limitation only exists in our mind. With discipline, followed by consistent willpower, and herculean effort, that supposed difficulty can be chipped away if not in an hour or days or even weeks, then years if it is necessary to do so. "Improvise, Adapt and Overcome" With this in the mind, we put efforts into
Read more